Visited you.

Grandma and Grandpa Masselli were in town this week and they wanted to visit you so we took a drive to see you. I brought you a little soft elephant that fit perfect in your room but I wanted it to be close to you. As much as I love to visit you because it makes me feel close to you but I get so sad.

Today has been hard I found out yet another person at my work is pregnant and I hard as I try to be happy for them I can’t help but be upset because I should have you and not be dealing with this unfair situation. I know you are my angel above but I selfishly want you here on earth with me.

I miss you.


Missing you.

my little ellie,

Baby girl I miss you! Mommy has been sad lately. I found out that you were gonna be a big sister or brother but then lost the baby. All I do is think about you and how I wish you were here on earth instead of in heaven. I know you are in a good place but its not fair we never got to know each other.

I love you.


In my arms


I am sorry my love that I haven’t wrote you in a while. I would love to say its because mommy is happy and talks to you in another way but that’s not true. I think about you every day and wish you were still with Daddy and I. I do more happier moments in life and know that you are with your great grandparents. I just wish so much that things did not have to end up like this. Elle, you deserved a full life full of happy moments. Mommy hasn’t been having a good day with everything. Sometimes I just don’t understand why thing like this has happen to daddy and I. Mommy has been home a lot lately alone because of Daddy’s schedule with work. I really want to have another baby so you can be a big sister who they will remember forever as well. As I lay in bed tonight I can’t help but wish you were in my arms asleep. I know none of this will ever happy but I hope you are sleeping peacefully in the skies above. I miss you my dear and wish that I could see your beautiful face again.




Thinking of you.

Dear my Ellie, 

I have been thinking about you all day my little girl. Mommy miss you! I am sorry you aren’t with Us. There were so many hopes and dreams I had for you. Tomorrow your grandparents are coming up because we are spreading your ashes on Thursday. I don’t want to have to say goodbye. I wish you were here in my arms like you should be. Some days I just don’t understand why you were taken from me. Baby girl we were so close to meeting. I will never get to know the person you would have become or see your pretty eyes. I know we will meet one day but I feel like this is just so unreal sometimes. I love you Ellie and miss you everyday.



my little angel.

dear elle,

I know you are in heaven my little angel looking down on Daddy and I, and we miss you so. Never in a million years did I think things would end up this way. I had been dreaming of the day when you were going to arrive and never had it playing out this way. As you grew in my belly I was waiting for the day to see your little eyes and hold your little hand. You will forever be my little angel. I wish I could give you a kiss right now but I know that is not so. Please look down on daddy and I, we loved you so much. If love could have saved you, you would have been alive forever.

I love you forever.